Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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