I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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