Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
