just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We got so high we made milksteak
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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