She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
