Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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