He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
