i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize