Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
