I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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