It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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