Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
