Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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