Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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