You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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