He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
