____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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