Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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