Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
