Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
