We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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