Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He better not be in your backpack
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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