I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
