Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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