i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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