I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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