I'm so fucking centered right now
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
