you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
