i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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