hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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