Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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