I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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