Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
