I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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