At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
