i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
