I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
