In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
