WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
