ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
