I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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