then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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