Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
