Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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