so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
