I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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