Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
