We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
