the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
tell me about the fingering
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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