Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
