it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
