I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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