So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize