update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.