so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.