There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.