Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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