My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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