giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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