Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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