im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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