I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
