The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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