He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
