we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had to cum in my sink.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
