When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
