I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
