I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
