Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
