I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
