the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
