dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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