I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
