Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
