grandma shit on top of the toilet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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