I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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