Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
