i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
